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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Child So Stupid She Sees Letters Backwards

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—According to tests conducted by school psychologists and reading teachers, local third-grader Stephanie Franck is so mind-bogglingly stupid that she sees English text as though it were backwards. "When shown a flash card that reads 'milk,' this addle-pated dimwit responds with utterly senseless gobbledygook like 'klim,' 'kilm' and 'iklum,'" said Shore Road Elementary School psychologist Francine Grunwald. "How dumb can she be?" Grunwald has recommended that Franck be placed in one of the school's "retard-track" classes.

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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

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