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Child Subjected To Elaborate Hairdo

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Child Subjected To Elaborate Hairdo

GRAND RAPIDS, MI– Renee Wilkins, 4, was subjected to a painful, elaborate hairdo at the hands of her mother Monday. "Look how pretty my baby looks," said Chanté Wilkins, 31, after spending three hours meticulously braiding her daughter's hair and stringing 250 multicolored plastic beads onto the braids. "Doesn't she look just like Venus Williams?" Ever since the completion of the elaborate procedure, the child has worn a stocking cap to muffle the beads' ceaseless clacking sound.

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