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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Child Therapist Excited To Actually Be Seeing Patient With Psychological Issues

MINNEAPOLIS—Saying she was glad to finally be able to apply her psychiatric training, local child therapist Pamela Thornton expressed her excitement to reporters Friday at the prospect of seeing a patient with actual psychological issues. “It’s thrilling to have a kid in here for once who’s truly suffering from a behavioral disorder that legitimately requires regular therapy sessions,” said Thornton, adding that she was elated at the opportunity to delve into past traumas, evaluate recurring thoughts, and set up a treatment plan for the child who had genuine, clinically diagnosable depression. “This isn’t just some kid who started talking back to his parents or can’t sit still for more than a minute—this one could, in all reality, potentially pose a risk to himself or others. It’s kind of a treat.” Thornton later confirmed to reporters that she still planned on prescribing the same medication she recommends for all of her patients.


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