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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Childress Defends Using Peterson For Running Errands

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—Responding to speculation that Adrian Peterson's sprained knee may be the result of overusing the talented rookie, Vikings head coach Brad Childress released a statement Monday defending his practice of using the superstar rookie on rushing plays, passing plays, kickoff returns, punt returns, movie returns, grocery runs, and home repairs. "Adrian is a great young talent, and the team doctors say he can still do a lot for this team, both on the field and around my house," Childress said of the multi-tasking back who currently leads the league in yards raked. "Naturally, situations will dictate how he's used, but you can expect to see him playing an increased role around my household. Any coach in this league would love to have a player who can put an entire team or bedroom set on his back and carry them into the postseason or attic." Peterson, who spent Tuesday's practice washing Childress' car at a Minnetonka self-service car wash, said that his injured knee wouldn't affect his aggressive cleaning style.

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