Local resident and full-blown alcoholic Ken Mathiessen has such caring and loyal friends that they are willing to stand by in silence as the 32-year-old drinks himself to death right in front of them, sources confirmed Friday.
BEIJINGChinese health officials entered a new phase of their bird-flu-containment campaign Monday by slaughtering all non-essential personnel, the Xinhua News Agency reported. "This weekend, we placed into bleach-filled plastic bags, asphyxiated, and then incinerated all 15 million residents of Beijing who may have come into contact with birds or the air through which birds have flown," Vice Minister of Agriculture Zhang Baowen said. "We are also asking the World Health Organization for additional help in eliminating the human-borne vector of this virus." Plans to connect the remaining 1.3 billion potentially infected citizens to high-voltage power lines extending from the Three Gorges hydroelectric dam will commence within the week.