adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Chinese Crested Dog's Beautifully Descended Testicles Bring Divided Nation Together

NEW YORK—Awed and inspired by the gloriously formed, beautifully descended testicles of Tommy, a hairless Chinese crested dog competing in his second Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, millions of U.S. citizens took stock of their lives and set aside their differences Tuesday to stare at the canine's perfectly groomed reproductive glands. "Those trembling orbs are so breathtakingly magnificent in and of themselves, yet they also contain within them such potential," said Allentown, PA machinist and former Tea Party member Roy Halbstead, who, upon seeing the dog's testicles on Animal Planet, immediately committed himself to the cause of reconciliation and healing America's rifts. "Furthermore, while they are two separate entities, they share one canine scrotum and work together for a common goal. Truly those dog testes are the very symbol of our great nation." Despite the unparalleled unifying powers displayed by Tommy's messianic testicles, the award for Best Testicles in Show went to Aubrey's Bellerophon, a 3-year-old huge-sacked Dogue de Bordeaux.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close