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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Cholera Outbreak Makes Americans Glad They Don’t Live in Africa

Lagos—The major cholera outbreak that has ravaged the Nigerian city of Lagos and surrounding rural villages has many Americans feeling very glad they do not live in Africa. “I am glad I live in Erie, PA, and not in Lagos or one of its surrounding villages,” American Carl Neesbrum said. Neesbrum, reflecting the view of many Americans, said he is also very glad he and his three children are not victims of cholera, a water-borne bacteria that inflicts explosive diarrhea, paralyzation and, ultimately, death on its victims. When told that Africans are dying by the hundreds each day and that simple, anti-bacteria vaccinations for the outbreak are unaffordable to the impoverished victims there, Neesbrun added, “I think I will go to Best Buy today and purchase a program for my CD-ROM.”

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