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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Chris Bosh Announces Plans To Spend NBA Lockout Playing Basketball Alone In Driveway

MIAMI—Heat forward Chris Bosh confirmed Sunday he plans on dribbling around and shooting hoops alone in his driveway during the NBA lockout. "I want to keep playing the high-caliber basketball I'm accustomed to, so until someone calls me back, I'll be in my driveway pretending Karl Malone is defending me and I’m on the 1997 Chicago Bulls," Bosh told reporters, adding that he'd recreate pressure-filled game situations by making crowd noises with his mouth as he played. "The NBA doesn't seem like it wants to work out a deal, so I hope other players will join me. I mean it; guys are welcome to come over anytime. I've got cold Gatorades in the fridge and video games for when it gets dark. Please, someone, come over." Bosh reconfirmed multiple times that the backboard on his hoop is, in fact, Plexiglas, "just like a real NBA one."

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