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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Chris Bosh's Frightening Night Locked In A Hot Car

Police were called to a Miami-area nightclub late last night to respond to reports that Heat forward Chris Bosh was left alone in a hot car for hours while his teammates LeBron James and Dwyane Wade partied inside, without a thought to their highly-paid sidekick. Experts are now saying that the Heat are likely to lose custody of the vulnerable Bosh, an outcome made more likely by the duo's history of neglecting Bosh and their other teammates. Here are some of their most notorious incidents of neglect:

  • Center Zydrunas Ilgauskas gets tangled up in a camera cord during a game against the Bulls and nearly strangles himself because no one was watching him.
  • Sharpshooter Mike Miller misses 30 games when Wade forgets he promised to drive Miller to the stadium and Miller gets lost on a city bus.
  • Bosh almost drowns in a closed hotel pool one night after midnight when James and Wade go out without him and Bosh climbs out onto his balcony.
  • The fire department has to be called when Mario Chalmers climbs out onto the rafters in the American Airlines Arena for attention but is too scared to climb back down.
  • Left to his own devices during a six-game homestand, Udonis Haslem eats nothing but soda and candy and has to be taken to the hospital and have his stomach pumped.
  • After James and Wade tell Bosh to "quit bugging us and look after yourself for a change," Bosh goes two weeks without bathing because he "doesn't know how."

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