Chris Kluwe Pens Impassioned Editorial On Challenges Facing Cut NFL Punters

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Vol 49 Issue 19

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets.

New to the market!

Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.

Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk

ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and s...
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WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Chris Kluwe Pens Impassioned Editorial On Challenges Facing Cut NFL Punters

MINNEAPOLIS—Following his release from the Minnesota Vikings earlier this week, punter Chris Kluwe reportedly responded Tuesday by composing a fiery editorial in which he laid out the numerous challenges facing cut NFL punters. “Speaking as a punter who has recently been released by the Vikings, I can tell you that discrimination against our kind is alive and well in this fickle league, and we need to put a stop to it right fucking now,” an article written by Kluwe read in part, noting that such rejected special teams personnel routinely face discrimination from football organizations that won’t allow them into the locker room, don’t invite them to practices, and refuse to sign them to contract extensions. “Why should a cut punter be treated any differently than those players who are actually employed by a football team? Just because these athletes have been told that their services are no longer needed doesn’t make them any less valuable to the squad than a starting QB. They—and I—deserve a shot at greatness.” At press time, members of the Vikings roster confirmed that they felt terrible about never meeting Chris Kluwe before he was cut.

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