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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Chris Paul Encourages Local Youths To Stay Out Of Foul Trouble

LOS ANGELES—Telling them that a first-quarter illegal use of hands is something that will stick with them for the rest of their game, Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul reportedly spent Wednesday afternoon encouraging an assembly of students at Waterloo Elementary School to stay out of foul trouble. “I used to get in foul trouble a lot as a kid, and I don’t want to see that happen to you guys,” said the seven-time All-Star, adding that the fourth- and fifth-graders need to consider the consequences before attempting to take a charge when they already have three fouls on the books or senselessly risking a reach-in while trying to steal the ball. “You need to play with discipline on defense, and try not to hang around places like the low block. Most importantly, don’t ever be afraid to sub out. There’s no shame in asking for a sub.” According to sources, Paul also told the children to call a timeout and speak to their coach if a full-court press is ever making them feel trapped.

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