Christian Bale Given Neutered Male Statuette Named Oscar

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Christian Bale Given Neutered Male Statuette Named Oscar

LOS ANGELES—After being recognized for his outstanding work in the film The Fighter, actor Christian Bale was awarded a gold-plated statuette of a nude, sword-wielding man with no genitals named Oscar. "It's such an honor," said Bale, holding a 13.5 inch featureless eunuch. "Thank you. Thank you so much." Many more of the faceless bald figurines of tiny little men were presented to various film technicians the night before.