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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Christian Bale Given Neutered Male Statuette Named Oscar

LOS ANGELES—After being recognized for his outstanding work in the film The Fighter, actor Christian Bale was awarded a gold-plated statuette of a nude, sword-wielding man with no genitals named Oscar. "It's such an honor," said Bale, holding a 13.5 inch featureless eunuch. "Thank you. Thank you so much." Many more of the faceless bald figurines of tiny little men were presented to various film technicians the night before.

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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

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