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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Christian Bale Glad To Be Done With Most Humiliating Experience Of Professional Life

HOLLYWOOD—Calling the last decade the most embarrassing of his 20-year-long acting career, Dark Knight Rises star Christian Bale expressed relief today that his days of "dressing up in a rubber suit and pretending to be a comic book super hero" are finally over. "There wasn't a moment I went to work that I didn't feel completely idiotic affecting that ridiculous, gravelly voice or wearing that absurd black makeup under my eyes," Bale told reporters, adding that every time he looked at himself in a mirror while dressed as Batman he felt like a complete moron. "Here I am hanging from ropes, throwing around what are essentially children’s toys at 'bad guys,' and then to make matters worse, I have to say things like, 'I believe in Harvey Dent.' The whole thing was mortifying." When asked what the most fulfilling moment of his acting career was, Bale mentioned any time he had to do flying splits during the dance scenes in Newsies.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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