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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Christian Couple Staying Together For Sake Of God

SANDUSKY, OH—Despite intense unhappiness and an ever-widening emotional rift between them, devout Christian couple Linda and Benjamin Dollinger told reporters Monday that they have decided to stay married for the sake of their only true lord, God. "We're afraid that if we get a divorce, He'll never forgive us," said Benjamin, 37, who admitted that he and Linda had recently started arguing in their car with the radio on so that God wouldn't hear them. "We try not to let on how bad things actually are, but I think that, at least on some level, He knows something is wrong." Linda said that she and Benjamin plan to stay committed to their loveless marriage "just until [they] die."

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