Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination

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Vol 48 Issue 15

April 17

Sandalwood Circle residents are advised that the Baumgartners will be having pretty loud sex this Tuesday shortly after 9 p.m.

Glass Ceiling Business

"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business." - Peter "Buck" McGowan, chief of the worldwide initiative for women's rights
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Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination

WASHINGTON—Though most observers believed Mitt Romney had the 2012 Republican presidential nomination wrapped up, the 2016 campaign of New Jersey governor Chris Christie came out of nowhere Wednesday to convince delegates that the future candidate deserved the nomination, and that he should be the leading Republican on the ticket this fall. "If we're going to beat Obama in November, we're going to need a candidate who is charismatic and has had years to distance himself from the disastrous 2012 crop of potential nominees like Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and a still-very-green Chris Christie," Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus told reporters, adding that the Christie 2016 campaign had already raised hundreds of millions of dollars in donations from David Koch and investment banker Charles Schwab. "With Christie selecting Paul Ryan—who has had four years to come back to the center on economic issues—as his running mate, the Republican ticket is exceptionally strong. If I were Obama right now, I'd be very worried." At press time, the Christie 2016 campaign was planning an appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman, where the candidate will more than likely discuss his new fit and trim appearance.

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