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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Christmas Letter Ominously Makes No Mention Of The Twins

GREECE, NY—Though the annual Christmas letter from the Thompsons addresses Elliot's first semester at college and Mom's new job, it eerily makes no mention of the twins, concerned sources reported Monday. "It talks about their vacation in Reno and Uncle Rick's laparoscopic surgery, but then it jumps right to a paragraph about Aunt Laura's new computer," said recipient Stephen Olander, adding that the letter was far more soberly written than in previous years, foregoing the usual narrative device in which an irreverent update on the Thompsons is written from the point of view of the family's cat, Sergei. "It's all very, very weird." Olander conceded that perhaps there was no cause for alarm, saying that maybe his aunt was stymied by the rhyme scheme of "The Night Before Christmas," and thus unable to work the twins into her musings.

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