adBlockCheck

Christopher Reeve Named Man of the Year By Inspirational Cripple Magazine

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Christopher Reeve Named Man of the Year By Inspirational Cripple Magazine

NEW YORK—Beloved actor Christopher Reeve, whose tragic paralysis vaulted him to new heights of public adoration—including a spot atop the Washington Monument—has been unanimously selected by the editorial staff of Inspirational Cripple magazine as its Man of the Year for 1996.

<I>Inspirational Cripple</I> magazine's hotly anticipated Man of the Year issue hits newsstands next week.

"Christopher was the obvious choice this year, even in a year so filled with unusually inspirational—and unusually crippled—candidates," said Inspirational Cripple editor in chief Ted Phillips. "His appearances at the Academy Awards and the Democratic National Convention this past year were unprecedented new achievements in mass inspiration. Stephen Hawking could not have done better."

Said Phillips: "Christopher Reeve truly embodies everything our magazine is about."

In addition to a cover photo of Reeve, the magazine will feature an eight-page story on the Superman star's long, inspirational struggle with his handicap, punctuated by touching photos showing highlights of his paralysis.

The issue also features a two-page foldout mini-poster of a paralyzed Reeve smiling bravely, inspiring the reader with his fortitude in the face of personal tragedy.

Due on newsstands next week, the Christopher Reeve issue is projected to be the biggest seller in Inspirational Cripple's 15-year history, outselling even December 1982's blockbuster James Brady/Teddy Pendergrass Co-Man of the Year issue.

Phillips is excited about the possibility of a big seller, but maintains he is happy just to provide a valuable service.

"As long as our magazine is getting out there, inspiring the non-crippled to count their blessings and get out there and achieve, and inspiring the crippled to find ways to be more inspirational, then I know I've done a good job."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close