Chrysler Names '83 LeBaron CEO

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Vol 44 Issue 37

Ron Paul Endorses Third Parties

Former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul has refused to endorse Sen. John McCain or Sen. Barack Obama, calling the race a charade and...
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Chrysler Names '83 LeBaron CEO

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Praising the vehicle's 25 years of experience, its proven dependability, and its 2.2-liter internal combustion engine, Chrysler announced Monday that it has appointed a 1983 four-door LeBaron sedan as the company's new CEO. "We believe that the LeBaron's expertise in dealing with customers, combined with its 100.3-inch wheelbase, makes it the right automobile for the job," Chrysler CFO Ron Kolka said. The Chrysler Town and Country, passed over for the position for the second time in four years, will return to its post as the company's regional finance manager. When asked how Chrysler plans to shift toward more energy-efficient models in order to compete in a changing marketplace, the LeBaron honked its horn for 35 seconds.

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