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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.
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Chuck E. Cheese's Announces New Lower Prices, But The Restaurants Will Be Dirtier

IRVING, TX—Promoting itself as “America’s best value in family-friendly fun,” pizza restaurant and entertainment center Chuck E. Cheese’s announced a steep drop in its prices Monday, explaining the cost would be offset by a chain-wide lowering of hygiene standards. “We’re reducing the price of our food and making the games cheaper, but the entire establishment, from floor to ceiling, is going to be much, much dirtier,” said CEO Michael Magusiak, who confirmed that due to reduced standards of cleanliness, parents will now be required to sign a waiver before their children can go down a slide, jump in the ball pit, or touch any of the games in the arcade. “So just to be clear, there’s a trade-off here: While you’ll be paying less, your experience will also be pretty disgusting. Basically, we’re giving our bathrooms one quick swab at the end of the day and passing the savings on to you.” Magusiak added that all Chuck E. Cheese locations would make a small bottle of hand sanitizer available to their customers in exchange for 4,000 Skee-Ball tickets.

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