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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Chuck Norris Fighting For Everyone Who Can't Fight Back

COLUMBUS, OH—According to a local television announcer, at 11:30 p.m. this Sunday on WPZH channel 27, Chuck Norris will fight for everyone who can't fight back. "Chuck Norris is a renegade cop on a deadly one-way mission for revenge," the announcer said. "His assignment? Action." The announcer added that Norris, whose designated mission code name is Lone Wolf McQuade, will not come back until he gets what's his. Norris plans to repeat the highly dangerous, covert mission again at 2 a.m. Monday on the same channel.

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