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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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CIA Headquarters Disappears

MCLEAN, VA—Silently, under the cover of darkness, the national headquarters of the CIA vanished Tuesday, leaving no sign that it had ever been there at all. The multibuilding campus of the intelligence-gathering agency reportedly disappeared without warning, taking with it all occupants and leaving in its place 258 acres of peaceful woodland. "I don't know what you're referring to," National Intelligence Director Dennis C. Blair said. "I've never heard of this headquarters or the agency it supposedly housed. There's no story here." An anonymous source claimed to have more information on the incident, but a reporter dispatched to meet him in a Langley, VA parking garage found the facility empty, and left having only heard a few dull thuds and the squealing of tires.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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