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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Cindy Halcombe And The The Cindy E-Zone

As part of the continuing agreement between the Onion Sports Network and ex-intern Cindy Halcombe, here is a court-mandated guest post written by Halcombe.

Hi everyone! Cindy Halcombe here with my quarterly blogpost. Really should have had my lawyers fight a little harder for a more regular spot. That really would have bugged OSN. In particular, You-Know-Alex-Who.

So you know the drill, I just come on here and talk about what I want to talk about. Indiana local sports, my old high school lacrosse team, players I find cute. Basically whatever I want to do. So just to switch things up, I am making Alex Reiser submit a guest blogpost within my guest blogpost! Because I'm allowed to do whatever I want. Take it away Alex!

I Don't Want To Write This Blogpost by Alex Reiser

I don't understand why I have to do this. I don't have anything to say about stupid Indiana sports and I don't want to say it.

I will say that I understand that Cindy thinks what I did was lame but I do not think I will be doing it anymore especially since she quit and got a million dollars or whatever. So I don't see why she can't just let it go and not have a grudge. I don't have a grudge against her because I am not allowed to say that I do.

In conclusion, I hope Cindy and I can be friends because everything I said I was joking about I didn't find her attractive at all I swear.

Wow, thanks Alex! Shouldn't be too hard to squeeze a few more bucks out of OSN after that! I'm going to have you do more mid-post guest posts, that was an unexpected gold mine you just wrote out.

OK, that's enough from me! See you in three months and as always I make my promise to you: my fiery rage at Alex Reiser and everything he represents will never die and I will continue to destroy OSN in any way I can until he is fired.

Bye guys!

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