Cindy Halcombe And The The Cindy E-Zone

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Vol 47 Issue 10

How To Become An Internet Music Sensation

More and more, bands are recording, releasing, and promoting their music at home using their own computers. Here are some ways a burgeoning musician can make a splash on the Internet.

NHL Ref Likes It When He Gets To Jump Over Puck

CHICAGO—Fifteen-year veteran NHL official Michael Lussenhop confirmed in an interview Sunday that the most satisfying part of his job is when he's backed into a corner and has to grab the boards to leap over the puck to keep from interfering with th...

What Do U-Say About Mike Brant?

Messages of support for GOP candidate Mike Brant have been flooding our inbox. Here's a small sampling: "We don't need leaders who went to good schools or have experience in government or can name their own state's capitol. We need leaders like Mik...
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Cindy Halcombe And The The Cindy E-Zone

As part of the continuing agreement between the Onion Sports Network and ex-intern Cindy Halcombe, here is a court-mandated guest post written by Halcombe.

Hi everyone! Cindy Halcombe here with my quarterly blogpost. Really should have had my lawyers fight a little harder for a more regular spot. That really would have bugged OSN. In particular, You-Know-Alex-Who.

So you know the drill, I just come on here and talk about what I want to talk about. Indiana local sports, my old high school lacrosse team, players I find cute. Basically whatever I want to do. So just to switch things up, I am making Alex Reiser submit a guest blogpost within my guest blogpost! Because I'm allowed to do whatever I want. Take it away Alex!

I Don't Want To Write This Blogpost by Alex Reiser

I don't understand why I have to do this. I don't have anything to say about stupid Indiana sports and I don't want to say it.

I will say that I understand that Cindy thinks what I did was lame but I do not think I will be doing it anymore especially since she quit and got a million dollars or whatever. So I don't see why she can't just let it go and not have a grudge. I don't have a grudge against her because I am not allowed to say that I do.

In conclusion, I hope Cindy and I can be friends because everything I said I was joking about I didn't find her attractive at all I swear.

Wow, thanks Alex! Shouldn't be too hard to squeeze a few more bucks out of OSN after that! I'm going to have you do more mid-post guest posts, that was an unexpected gold mine you just wrote out.

OK, that's enough from me! See you in three months and as always I make my promise to you: my fiery rage at Alex Reiser and everything he represents will never die and I will continue to destroy OSN in any way I can until he is fired.

Bye guys!

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