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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Citing Battle Of Agincourt, Tim Duncan Urges Lakers Not To Get Too Discouraged By Game 1 Loss

SAN ANTONIO—Following the Lakers’ 91-79 loss in Game 1 of their playoff series, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly urged his opponents Tuesday not to be discouraged, reminding them of England’s underdog victory against the French during the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. “Remember, the English were outnumbered 6 to 1, so they had the odds stacked against them, too,” said Duncan, noting that the Lakers should remain focused and positive, “much like the English knights bravely marching into Pas-de-Calais amidst a bloody Hundred Years’ War.” “If Henry V taught us anything that day, it’s that an organized, cohesive unit can turn around any so-called lost cause, so keep your heads up. Sometimes you simply need to find an innovative new approach, as the King did setting his longbowmen on the flanks of the defile to attack Charles d’Albert’s oncoming cavalry.” Duncan added that while the Lakers should take heart from England’s unexpected military triumph, they should also always honor the memory of the estimated 10,000 soldiers from both sides who gave their lives during the 15th-century battle.

UPDATE: Duncan reportedly just called Lakers head coach Mike D’Antoni to offer inspirational quotes from famed king and military leader Frederick II of Prussia.

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