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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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City Of Miami Delighted By Impromptu Parade

MIAMI—Calling the seemingly unplanned celebration “quite the party,” city residents were reportedly delighted at the impromptu parade that broke out in downtown Miami on Monday. “Well! It’s certainly not every day you walk out your front door to see a giant parade rolling by for no reason,” said local retiree Glynnis Larson, 63, who added that it had been nearly a year since the last time she saw such a spirited rally spontaneously erupt on a random weekday. “And just look at all those tall young men cheering on top of that double-decker bus—they look like they’re having a really nice time. This truly is the greatest city in the world.” Following the passing of the unidentified parade, the 400,000 Miami residents who attended the event reasoned that it was probably for some sort of pre–Fourth of July celebration.

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