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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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City Of New Orleans Inspiring Saints To Get Over Latest On-Field Disaster

NEW ORLEANS—After Sunday's devastating loss left a once vibrant New Orleans football team in a state of total disrepair and all 53 Saints players despondent, awash in despair, and bereft of any hope for salvation, members of their fanbase have decided not to abandon their devastated team and to instead offer support in their time of extreme need. "Mere weeks ago this was a great football team, and it will rise up and be great once again," Ninth Ward resident Darius Jenkins said. "Some may say this disaster was inevitable, that the team should have been prepared for a collapse after seeing the warning signs the week before, but this is not a time to live in the past. We must support them as they rebuild." Beleaguered Saints quarterback Drew Brees said Monday that he hopes the tragic events that transpired inside both Raymond James Stadium and the RCA Dome will never happen again, adding that the sights and sounds were "ghastly," "appalling," and "showed professional football at its worst."

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