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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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City Of New Orleans Inspiring Saints To Get Over Latest On-Field Disaster

NEW ORLEANS—After Sunday's devastating loss left a once vibrant New Orleans football team in a state of total disrepair and all 53 Saints players despondent, awash in despair, and bereft of any hope for salvation, members of their fanbase have decided not to abandon their devastated team and to instead offer support in their time of extreme need. "Mere weeks ago this was a great football team, and it will rise up and be great once again," Ninth Ward resident Darius Jenkins said. "Some may say this disaster was inevitable, that the team should have been prepared for a collapse after seeing the warning signs the week before, but this is not a time to live in the past. We must support them as they rebuild." Beleaguered Saints quarterback Drew Brees said Monday that he hopes the tragic events that transpired inside both Raymond James Stadium and the RCA Dome will never happen again, adding that the sights and sounds were "ghastly," "appalling," and "showed professional football at its worst."

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