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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Civil Unrest In Sierra Leone Concerns NPR Listener

HANOVER, NH–A National Public Radio report on a rebel insurrection in the West African nation of Sierra Leone deeply concerned Hanover-area listener Jim Ellenson Monday. "Apparently, the Sankoh-led Revolutionary United Front rebels are rapidly advancing on Freetown," said Ellenson, listening to NPR while leafing through the latest issue of The Nation. "Hopefully, the U.N. peacekeepers will be able to limit the movement of the RUF in the interior near Masiaka." Ellenson said he plans to stay tuned to NPR for the latest on the crisis.

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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