adBlockCheck

International

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
End Of Section
  • More News

Civilian Casualty Flattered To Have Been Mistaken For Hamas Leader

RAFAH, GAZA STRIP—Remarking that he felt honored to be considered so important and influential, Gazan civilian casualty Khalil Said Zahlan told reporters from an emergency aid station Monday that he was incredibly flattered to have been mistaken for a Hamas militant leader by an Israeli airstrike. “I’m just a regular shop owner here in Gaza, so I can’t imagine what would lead them to think I had the capability to command an armed insurgent movement, but I’m not one to turn down a compliment,” said a bandaged Zahlan, who added that being held in high enough regard to be targeted and violently forced from his home by a round of bombing this morning was far from faint praise. “I have no connection to Hamas at all, but to receive that kind of attention from Israel’s top military officials is really something. This is an honor I won’t forget.” Zahlan added that he was deeply touched that the Israel Defense Forces also mistook his two young daughters and late wife for Hamas leaders as well.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close