Class Of '88 Reunion Attendees Once Again Trick Sue Thorpe Into Thinking Jeff Urban Likes Her

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Vol 44 Issue 28

Life Expectancy Falls

A study at the Harvard Global Health Initiative shows that, for a segment of the population, life expectancy is lower now that in was in the early...
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Class Of '88 Reunion Attendees Once Again Trick Sue Thorpe Into Thinking Jeff Urban Likes Her

ABERDEEN, ID—While attending her 20-year high school reunion Monday, 38-year-old claims adjuster Sue Thorpe was once again tricked into believing that used-car salesman and former homecoming king Jeff Urban had a crush on her, a replay of a cruel prank first played on Thorpe during her senior prom in 1988. "Becky [Linden] told me that Jeff was real lonely after his divorce, and that he had thought about me a lot over the years," Thorpe said tearfully after being humiliated in front of her entire class when the now 252-pound Urban refused to dance with her. "And Bella [Cortland] said that because Jeff's a notary public now, it's illegal for him to lie, so he had to be telling the truth when she asked Jeff if he liked me and he said yes. Why do they keep doing this to me?" Later that evening, a dejected Thorpe repeated another dark chapter from her past when she got drunk and was impregnated by Louis O'Keefe in a soccer goal.

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