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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Class Of '88 Reunion Attendees Once Again Trick Sue Thorpe Into Thinking Jeff Urban Likes Her

ABERDEEN, ID—While attending her 20-year high school reunion Monday, 38-year-old claims adjuster Sue Thorpe was once again tricked into believing that used-car salesman and former homecoming king Jeff Urban had a crush on her, a replay of a cruel prank first played on Thorpe during her senior prom in 1988. "Becky [Linden] told me that Jeff was real lonely after his divorce, and that he had thought about me a lot over the years," Thorpe said tearfully after being humiliated in front of her entire class when the now 252-pound Urban refused to dance with her. "And Bella [Cortland] said that because Jeff's a notary public now, it's illegal for him to lie, so he had to be telling the truth when she asked Jeff if he liked me and he said yes. Why do they keep doing this to me?" Later that evening, a dejected Thorpe repeated another dark chapter from her past when she got drunk and was impregnated by Louis O'Keefe in a soccer goal.

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