The Onion Weather Center delivers a very special weather report for all of our very special viewers in the Deep South, who require a little extra attention to help them understand that really big numbers mean hot temperatures.
MONTPELIER, VTBook-circle organizer Jackie McKinney announced Monday that the remaining 26 chapters of the John Steinbeck's The Grapes Of Wrath will be skipped because they are boring. "It might be a classic, but it sure is hard to keep your attention on it," McKinney said. "What happens to those Dust Bowl farmers during the Depression is sad, but I can only read so many descriptions of the dust and the crickets and the hard wrinkles in so-and-so's face. A true classic should be impossible to put down." The book circle has not abandoned the classics; it has scheduled a Friday night viewing of the 1998 movie adaptation of Great Expectations starring Ethan Hawke.