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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Classmates.com Employees Don't Have Heart To Tell CEO About Facebook

SEATTLE—Employees at Classmates.com—an online service that enables users to find and communicate with people from their past for a monthly fee—have done everything in their power to keep the company's CEO from finding out about the wildly popular social networking site Facebook. "He knows something is going on," Classmates.com web coder Josh Krzysch said while combing his boss's newspaper and removing any offending articles. "The other day he asked me why people aren't interested in getting in touch with old friends anymore, and I told him that the Internet just isn't very popular right now. What else was I supposed to say?" Employees claim that unless things somehow miraculously improve by next month, they plan to quietly pack up their desks and leave in the middle of the night.

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