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Clay Matthews

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Clay Matthews

STRENGTHS: Able to tackle all players, even those who don't desire to be tackled; thick shag carpet matches the long drapes; dislikes not hitting people

WEAKNESSES: Sacks actually his second favorite statistic behind the obscure "Tackle After 10-Yard Gain"; sometimes a little sloppy when wrapping up birthday presents; was just trying to pet the lady's soft hair

TRAINING REGIMEN: Has studied judo and jiujitsu to increase his ability to scream long strings of vowels at opponents

COLLEGE CAREER: Refused to take "you scare us" as an answer and chose to walk on at USC anyway

SIGNATURE MOVE: Uses 8,000-rpm spin to drill deep into the field and burst out from the ground beneath the unsuspecting quarterback

NEXT: Mike McCarthy

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