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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Clean-Shaven, Tuxedoed James Holmes Charms Courtroom In Latest Appearance

CENTENNIAL, CO—A newly clean-shaven and tuxedo-wearing James Holmes reportedly charmed and utterly beguiled the entire courtroom during an appearance today at his murder trial. “Why, hello, hello—I hope I didn’t keep you all waiting,” the dapper man accused of gunning down 12 people in an Aurora movie theater said after strolling through the gallery, casually leaning up against the jury box, and giving a wink to Judge Carlos A. Samour, to the visible delight of the assembled attorneys and judicial staff. “So, where did we leave off last? Ah, yes, of course. My plea. That old thing.” At press time, a rapt courtroom watched with great amusement as Holmes spoke eloquently and at length about the idiosyncrasies of the fairer sex, Morocco in spring, and the sublime pleasure of a good glass of brandy.

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