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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Clean-Shaven, Tuxedoed James Holmes Charms Courtroom In Latest Appearance

CENTENNIAL, CO—A newly clean-shaven and tuxedo-wearing James Holmes reportedly charmed and utterly beguiled the entire courtroom during an appearance today at his murder trial. “Why, hello, hello—I hope I didn’t keep you all waiting,” the dapper man accused of gunning down 12 people in an Aurora movie theater said after strolling through the gallery, casually leaning up against the jury box, and giving a wink to Judge Carlos A. Samour, to the visible delight of the assembled attorneys and judicial staff. “So, where did we leave off last? Ah, yes, of course. My plea. That old thing.” At press time, a rapt courtroom watched with great amusement as Holmes spoke eloquently and at length about the idiosyncrasies of the fairer sex, Morocco in spring, and the sublime pleasure of a good glass of brandy.

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