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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Clemens Files Defamation Lawsuit Against Steroids

NEW YORK—One month after his name appeared in the Mitchell Report, veteran Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens filed a defamation suit against performance-enhancing drugs in which he claimed that steroids are attempting to tarnish his career. "This is a textbook case of slander: If steroids had not injected themselves—maliciously and with premeditation—into Mr. Clemens' bloodstream on multiple occasions, people would not be accusing my client of taking steroids," Clemens' lawyer Rusty Hardin said in a statement released Tuesday. "We have waited 30 days for steroids to come forward and admit that they were never administered to Mr. Clemens with his consent, but they're not talking. Therefore, we have no choice but to take steroids to court." Clemens is scheduled to hold several private, closed-door meetings with steroids in the coming weeks before announcing he will return to baseball for one more season.

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