Cleveland Browns Fan Beginning To Question His Future With Team

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Vol 47 Issue 42

Another U.S. Downgrade Looming

Due to the inability of Congress to make any long-term budget fixes, experts are predicting another credit-rating downgrade for the United States.

Republican Presidential Debate

Fox News 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT For 35 minutes, former Utah governor Jon Huntsman tries and fails to shoehorn his sensible opinion into the debate before finally blurting out "People on welfare should starve to death" in order to get the moderato...

Something Sliding Around In Coffin

The government reduces Bernie Madoff's sentence in exchange for infiltrating and fixing the economy, leaf hunting season begins, and something is sliding around in this coffin. It's the week of October 17th, 2011.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

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    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Cleveland Browns Fan Beginning To Question His Future With Team

CLEVELAND—Local contractor and lifelong Browns fan Tim Rogan, 32, revealed in an interview Monday that he is beginning to seriously question his once promising future with the team. "Things started out so well, it almost seemed magical," said Rogan, reflecting on the first time he ever strapped on a Cleveland Browns helmet and headed out to the backyard to pretend he was Bernie Kosar. "I've been trying to maintain my enthusiasm for the rebuilding phase they’ve been going through for the past 20 years, but right now I don't even understand what they're trying to do with the team. I feel as if guys like me aren't even a part of their thinking anymore." As of press time, the Jacksonville Jaguars had expressed interest in Rogan, saying a fan is exactly what their organization has been lacking for some time.

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