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Cleveland Cavaliers Draft Huge Bodybuilder With First Pick

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Cleveland Cavaliers Draft Huge Bodybuilder With First Pick

‘Look At How Massive This Dude Is,’ Gushes GM

NEW YORK—Praising the 5’11”, 295-pound man’s bulging muscles and massive, ripped physique, the Cleveland Cavaliers announced their selection of bodybuilder Manfred Sampson with the first pick in the 2013 NBA Draft on Thursday. “Just look at him—he’s enormous. How is anyone ever going to guard this dude?” said general manager Chris Grant, adding that Sampson is so strong he could probably dominate at any position he wants. “Mark my words: Manfred Sampson will bring a championship to Cleveland. I mean, how could he not? He’s like the most jacked guy I’ve ever seen. Christ, his forearms are as big as fucking suspension cables.” With the draft’s second pick, the Orlando Magic selected 8’3” Turkish man Sultan Kösen, the tallest person in the world.

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