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Cleveland Cavaliers Draft Huge Bodybuilder With First Pick

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Cleveland Cavaliers Draft Huge Bodybuilder With First Pick

‘Look At How Massive This Dude Is,’ Gushes GM

NEW YORK—Praising the 5’11”, 295-pound man’s bulging muscles and massive, ripped physique, the Cleveland Cavaliers announced their selection of bodybuilder Manfred Sampson with the first pick in the 2013 NBA Draft on Thursday. “Just look at him—he’s enormous. How is anyone ever going to guard this dude?” said general manager Chris Grant, adding that Sampson is so strong he could probably dominate at any position he wants. “Mark my words: Manfred Sampson will bring a championship to Cleveland. I mean, how could he not? He’s like the most jacked guy I’ve ever seen. Christ, his forearms are as big as fucking suspension cables.” With the draft’s second pick, the Orlando Magic selected 8’3” Turkish man Sultan Kösen, the tallest person in the world.

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