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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Cleveland Enters Second Month Of Complete Silence So As Not To Jinx Indians

CLEVELAND—The entire population of Cleveland continued its two-month-long silent streak Saturday, opting to remain completely still so as not to ruin hope for the Indians, who are off to their best start in five years. “Ssshh,” superstitious Indians fan Lindsay Berowski told reporters while placing her index finger over her lips and shaking her head briskly. When asked for further comments about the team’s impressive record, Berowski located a pen and paper and wrote, “Be quiet and please leave.” According to sources, many are blaming Wednesday’s 14-2 loss to the Red Sox on Cleveland resident Paul Eutsey, who recently rose from the chair he had been sitting in for the past month to clean off the dried urine and fecal matter that had caked itself all over his body.

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