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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Cleveland Sportswriter Compares LeBron James To Craig Ehlo

CLEVELAND—Plain Dealer columnist Brandon Long, attempting to grade the playoff performance of Cavaliers forward LeBron James in terms his readers would understand, made extensive comparisons between the league's top young player and former Cavs forward Craig Ehlo. "Some may say Craig Ehlo would not have allowed the Pistons to get inside his head, take him out of the game, and limit his scoring in the third quarter," Long's Tuesday column read in part. "Only the most die-hard Cavs fans would deny that James has Ehlo beat in terms of pure talent. I'm going to have to give it to James this time." Long is expecting to be inundated with reader mail after claiming that James, unlike Ehlo, will most likely not exit the playoffs by having Michael Jordan shoot a series-clinching jumper over him.

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