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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Cleveland Sportswriter Compares LeBron James To Craig Ehlo

CLEVELAND—Plain Dealer columnist Brandon Long, attempting to grade the playoff performance of Cavaliers forward LeBron James in terms his readers would understand, made extensive comparisons between the league's top young player and former Cavs forward Craig Ehlo. "Some may say Craig Ehlo would not have allowed the Pistons to get inside his head, take him out of the game, and limit his scoring in the third quarter," Long's Tuesday column read in part. "Only the most die-hard Cavs fans would deny that James has Ehlo beat in terms of pure talent. I'm going to have to give it to James this time." Long is expecting to be inundated with reader mail after claiming that James, unlike Ehlo, will most likely not exit the playoffs by having Michael Jordan shoot a series-clinching jumper over him.

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