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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Clinton Aide Told To Leave Behind Weak Volunteer Who Collapsed During March To South Carolina

EMPORIA, VA—While attempting to help an exhausted, severely dehydrated canvasser to her feet Friday, a top aide to Hillary Clinton was reportedly instructed by the Democratic presidential candidate to discontinue his efforts and leave behind the enfeebled volunteer who had collapsed during the campaign’s march to South Carolina. “There is nothing else to be done for her—take her placards, buttons, and clipboard, and keep moving,” said Clinton, stating that the volunteer, who succumbed to fatigue after marching for 54 straight hours across the treacherous terrain between New Hampshire and South Carolina, would be replaced by another from the ranks. “This campaign has no room for the weak. Carry on.” At press time, Clinton was heard demanding the company double their pace after catching a volunteer break formation.

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