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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Clinton 'Glad To Be Back In Civilization Again'

WASHINGTON, DC—Returning from a historic ten-day, six-nation visit to Africa, President Clinton announced Wednesday that he is "glad to finally be back in civilization." Said Clinton: "While this was an important visit to an all-too-often overlooked region of the world, I cannot tell you how good it is to be back in a place where I can get a decent sandwich and don't have to worry about being eaten by rhinos. And you would not believe the bathrooms over there: In Rwanda, I had to hold it in until I reached a country with indoor plumbing. And if you're looking to relax and watch a little TV in Botswana, forget about it." Clinton stressed that, despite the continent's profound lack of comforts, much was accomplished on the trip. "I am optimistic that a greater bridge of understanding can be built between the fascinating and diverse people of Africa and regular people," he said.

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