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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Clinton, Hagar Meet To Discuss Federal Speed-Limit Issues

WASHINGTON, DC–On Tuesday, President Clinton held a special closed-door session with veteran rocker and automotive-acceleration activist Sammy Hagar to discuss key federal speed-limit issues. "Mr. Hagar and I made good progress, and I now have a much better understanding of his strong opposition to the current 55-mile-per-hour speed limit," Clinton said. "I am confident a compromise can be reached." Hagar, who has been written up for speeds reaching upwards of 145 and whose license has been taken and all that jive on numerous occasions, is calling for the speed limit to be raised to 250.

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