adBlockCheck

Clinton Says Badtz-Maru May Be His Favorite Sanrio Character

Top Headlines

Politics

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Clinton Says Badtz-Maru May Be His Favorite Sanrio Character

WASHINGTON, DC–In a surprise reversal, President Clinton announced Monday that Badtz-Maru is "probably" his favorite Sanrio character. "Badtz-Maru is a very mischievous little penguin," Clinton said. "I love it when he rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue. Also, he lives in Gorgeoustown, where he attends first grade at the Gorgeous Academy with his friends Hana Maru the seal and Pandaba the panda bear. Badtz-Maru likes to take walks in the park with his pet alligator Pochi. He is so funny!" In 1997, Clinton had stated that Keroppi the frog is his favorite Sanrio character.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close