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Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Clinton Tosses Unpledged Superdelegate In Trunk Of Car

LA CROSSE, WI—Ambushing the party official in an empty parking garage as he exited his office, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton reportedly grabbed an unpledged Democratic superdelegate and threw him into the trunk of her car during the late night hours Monday. “Maybe this will help you make up your mind,” said Clinton, who raised a tire iron above the head of the voting member of the Democratic National Convention as he lay cowering in the vehicle’s storage compartment, his blubbering pleas for help muffled after she slammed the trunk lid. “Keep your fucking mouth shut and don’t do anything stupid.” At press time, Clinton was holding a phone up to the superdelegate’s head and instructing him to inform an AP reporter that the former secretary of state would protect and build on the achievements of the last eight years.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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