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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Clive Cussler Realizes Latest Novel Not Thrilling 3 Hours After Sending It To Printer

NEW YORK—Mere hours after the printing of Odin’s Cleft, the 472-page marine technothriller he spent most of the year crafting, veteran author Clive Cussler came to the sudden realization that the novel was actually in no way thrilling. “Even while I was writing it, I could barely keep myself from putting it down. My knuckles were unwhitened the whole time, and my pulse barely pounded at all,” said Cussler, who described the book as “far from taut, or even tight, in any way.” “Cracking good yarn, my ass. How could this book come from me, the author of such page-turning bestsellers as Raise The Titanic, Pacific Vortex!, and The Storm, a novel from the NUMA files due out in paperback this spring?” Although the book has already gone to press, Cussler’s publisher has agreed to let him rewrite the final chapter, in which hero Dirk Pitt Jr. engages a corrupt administrator in witty repartee following their two-hour crosstown pursuit in Toyota Priuses.

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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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