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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Clive Cussler Realizes Latest Novel Not Thrilling 3 Hours After Sending It To Printer

NEW YORK—Mere hours after the printing of Odin’s Cleft, the 472-page marine technothriller he spent most of the year crafting, veteran author Clive Cussler came to the sudden realization that the novel was actually in no way thrilling. “Even while I was writing it, I could barely keep myself from putting it down. My knuckles were unwhitened the whole time, and my pulse barely pounded at all,” said Cussler, who described the book as “far from taut, or even tight, in any way.” “Cracking good yarn, my ass. How could this book come from me, the author of such page-turning bestsellers as Raise The Titanic, Pacific Vortex!, and The Storm, a novel from the NUMA files due out in paperback this spring?” Although the book has already gone to press, Cussler’s publisher has agreed to let him rewrite the final chapter, in which hero Dirk Pitt Jr. engages a corrupt administrator in witty repartee following their two-hour crosstown pursuit in Toyota Priuses.

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