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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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CNN Releases Photos Of 3 Obese Mexican Women Suspected In Boston Bombing

BOSTON—In the midst of a widespread manhunt that has put the city of Boston on lockdown, CNN released a series of photographs today depicting the three obese Mexican women it claims are the chief suspects in the Boston Marathon attack. “My top-level sources have confirmed that the individuals depicted in these photos planned, coordinated, and put into effect this week’s deadly bombing,” said CNN reporter John King, speaking of the trio of overweight hispanic women, two of whom reportedly died in the late 1990s and one of whom has never actually visited the United States. “If you come across the suspects, please be careful. My sources tell me these women are armed and highly dangerous.” At press time, everyone at CNN was congratulating one another on the good job they’ve been doing.

Continuing coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings

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