adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

CNN's John King Now Just Swiping Hands Across Everything

WASHINGTON—A day after his “Magic Wall” coverage of the U.S. presidential election, sources confirmed that CNN chief national correspondent John King is now swiping his hands across everything from lampshades to parked cars. “Let’s see what’s going on over here,” King reportedly said while swiping tables, chairs, and broadcast equipment in the CNN newsroom, running his hand across the office water cooler in a vertical scrolling motion, and then lightly tapping Wolf Blitzer on the chest to zoom in on the anchor’s tie. “Let’s try to expand that out, explore this area a little more. Things are looking good for the president here.” At press time, King apologized to viewers for “incomplete information” on a nearby coffee cup, saying that he was experiencing a “small glitch.”

More from this section

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close