CNN's John King Now Just Swiping Hands Across Everything

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Vol 48 Issue 45

Anorexic Woman At Gym Looking Good

CHICAGO—Citing her shapeless physique, protruding skeleton, and jaundiced complexion, gym members exercising at a local Equinox Fitness Club on Friday confirmed that the anorexic woman working out on the first floor is looking good. “Oh, man, ...
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CNN's John King Now Just Swiping Hands Across Everything

WASHINGTON—A day after his “Magic Wall” coverage of the U.S. presidential election, sources confirmed that CNN chief national correspondent John King is now swiping his hands across everything from lampshades to parked cars. “Let’s see what’s going on over here,” King reportedly said while swiping tables, chairs, and broadcast equipment in the CNN newsroom, running his hand across the office water cooler in a vertical scrolling motion, and then lightly tapping Wolf Blitzer on the chest to zoom in on the anchor’s tie. “Let’s try to expand that out, explore this area a little more. Things are looking good for the president here.” At press time, King apologized to viewers for “incomplete information” on a nearby coffee cup, saying that he was experiencing a “small glitch.”

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