adBlockCheck

Coach Has Difficulty Describing What Sort Of Win That Was

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Coach Has Difficulty Describing What Sort Of Win That Was

ORLANDO, FL—Following his team's 89-72 victory over the Memphis Grizzlies Monday, Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy struggled to characterize the victory at a postgame press conference, saying that the win was not emotional, dominating, close, or important. "You really couldn't call this an ugly win, since we outscored them in every quarter, but it certainly wasn't a good win, either, because we played a little sloppy early on and made a number of mistakes," said Van Gundy, who also ruled out the win being either easy, or tough, or having made some sort of statement to the rest of the league. "And it definitely wasn't a must-win. With 72 games remaining this season, it isn't going to help or hurt our playoff prospects. It just sort of was." Grizzlies head coach Lionel Hollins, however, instantly confirmed that his team's defeat was "another piece of shit loss."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close