adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Coach Pretty Sure Heated Locker Room Dispute Over Unpaid Gambling Debts Will Work Itself Out

CHARLOTTE, NC—Stressing that there is “probably no need to get involved,” Charlotte Bobcats head coach Steve Clifford expressed confidence Thursday that a fierce ongoing dispute over unpaid gambling debts between two of his players will just work itself out. “They seem pretty upset right now, but I’m sure that if I give them some time and space, they’ll settle it amongst themselves before anything boils over,” said Clifford, adding that seeing the players physically restrained by teammates while one furiously demands that the other “pay the fuck up right now” is almost certainly just normal banter between guys in the locker room. “Given that they were only talking about a few thousand dollars from a card game, I’m sure they’ll resolve the whole thing pretty quickly—after all, these guys are professionals, so they know how to conduct themselves. It’s probably best for me to totally steer clear of this one and just let them handle it. Nothing much to worry about.” Clifford also confirmed that rumors circulating about both players keeping unregistered firearms in their lockers are “likely just a joke.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close